Objective Effectiveness
DEAR MAN is a script for getting your objective met. Use this when you need to ask for something (a raise, help with chores) or say no to something (a request for money, an invitation).
The "DEAR" (What to Say)
Describe
Describe the situation using only facts. No judgments.
"You asked me to work late three times this week."
Express
Express your feelings using "I" statements.
"I feel exhausted and overwhelmed."
Assert
Ask for what you want clearly. Or say no clearly.
"I would like to leave at 5pm today."
Reinforce
Explain why it benefits the other person to give you what you want.
"If I get rest, I will be much more productive tomorrow."
The "MAN" (How to Say It)
Mindful
Stay focused on your goal. Don't get distracted by attacks or diversions ("Broken Record" technique).
Appear Confident
Make eye contact. Speak clearly. No stammering or whispering.
Negotiate
Be willing to give to get. Offer alternative solutions.
"If I can't leave at 5, can I leave at 5:30?"
Write Your Script
Think of a request you need to make. Write it out before you say it.