The Concept
"Anxiety is the smoke; we need to find the fire."
In our culture, we often treat anxiety as a biological error—a glitch in the system that needs to be silenced or medicated away. But from a psychodynamic perspective, anxiety is not the problem itself; it is a signal.
Just as a smoke alarm goes off to warn you of a fire, anxiety spikes to warn you of an internal conflict. It often arises when a "forbidden" emotion (like anger, grief, or desire) is pushing for expression but is blocked by fear or guilt.
The anxiety is not the enemy. It is the messenger telling you that something important is happening beneath the surface.
1 Deep Reflection
The "What Came Before?" Practice
Instead of trying to calm down immediately, become a detective of your own experience.
Naming the Conflict
Identify the two opposing forces. (e.g., "I want to say no" vs. "I am afraid of being abandoned").
The Turning Point
Moving from Insight to Action
1. The 90-Second Rule
When you feel the buzz of anxiety, pause. Allow yourself to feel the physical sensation of the underlying emotion (not the anxiety, but the anger or sadness underneath) for 90 seconds without trying to fix it.
2. Speak to the Signal
Say out loud: "I hear you. I know you are trying to protect me. What are you warning me about?" This simple act shifts you from being the anxiety to observing it.