The Concept
"Shame is the soul-eating emotion."
Social anxiety is often shame in disguise. It is the terror that if people saw the "real" us—our needs, our messiness, our anger—they would be disgusted and leave.
To protect ourselves, we create a "False Self"—a polished, pleasing mask. But maintaining this mask is exhausting. The anxiety you feel in social situations is the constant vigilance required to keep the mask from slipping.
1 The Mask
What are you hiding?
What part of yourself do you work hardest to conceal from others? (e.g., "I'm actually needy," "I'm not smart").
The Catastrophe
If they saw this part of you, what do you fear would happen?
The Turning Point
Calculated Vulnerability
1. The 10% Rule
You don't have to drop the mask completely. Try revealing just 10% more of your true self today. Share a small struggle, admit you don't know something, or express a preference you usually hide.
2. Shame Resilience
When you feel the hot flush of shame (e.g., after saying something "awkward"), do not withdraw. Stay in the interaction. Look the person in the eye. Shame dies when it is met with connection.