The Concept
"We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are."
Projection is a defense mechanism where we take an uncomfortable feeling inside us (e.g., anger, judgment, insecurity) and "project" it onto someone else.
If you are anxious that people are judging you, it is often because you are judging you. You project your own Internal Judge onto the faces of your friends, boss, or partner, turning the world into a hostile place.
1 Catching the Projection
The Story
What story are you telling yourself about what others are thinking? (e.g., "They think I'm boring").
The Mirror
Is it possible that you feel this way about yourself? (e.g., "Do I think I'm boring?").
The Turning Point
Reclaiming the Shadow
1. The Reversal
When you feel judged, flip the sentence. Change "They think I am X" to "I am afraid I am X." This moves the problem from the outside world (uncontrollable) back to your inner world (workable).
2. Reality Testing
Ask for data. If you think a friend is mad at you, ask: "I'm telling myself a story that you're upset. Is that true?" Often, you will find the screen is blank, and you were the one running the movie.