The Concept
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." — Marianne Williamson
We often think we want success, happiness, and love. But when we actually get them, anxiety spikes. Why? Because joy is vulnerable. Success brings visibility. Love brings the risk of loss.
Gay Hendricks calls this the "Upper Limit Problem." We have an internal thermostat for how much good we allow ourselves to feel. When we exceed that limit, we unconsciously self-sabotage (pick a fight, get sick, worry) to bring ourselves back down to a familiar level of misery.
1 Identifying the Limit
The Good News Trigger
Think of a recent success or happy moment. What did you do immediately after? (e.g., "I got a promotion, then I worried about taxes").
The Sabotage Style
How do you bring yourself down? (e.g., picking fights, getting sick, zoning out, worrying).
The Turning Point
Expanding the Container
1. Spot the Upper Limit
The moment you feel good and then immediately feel anxious or critical, say: "I am upper limiting." Recognize that the anxiety is not real; it is just your thermostat trying to reset.
2. Savoring
When something good happens, force yourself to stay with the feeling for 10 seconds longer than is comfortable. Feel the warmth in your chest. Breathe into the joy. Do not deflect. You are stretching your capacity for happiness.