Depression Deep Dive Series: Part 4 of 12
Confronting the Shadow
Part 4: The Inner Critic & The Exiled Self
Welcome to Part 4: Confronting the Shadow.
We all have a "Shadow"—the bag we drag behind us containing all the parts of ourselves we were told were unacceptable. Anger, selfishness, power, neediness, laziness. When we spend all our energy holding these parts underwater, we become exhausted. Depression is often the weight of the Shadow pressing down.
1. What Have You Exiled?
To be a "good" person, you likely had to cut off parts of yourself. Maybe you weren't allowed to be angry. Maybe you weren't allowed to be vulnerable. These exiled parts don't die; they just go into the basement and sabotage the house.
What qualities do you judge most harshly in others? (e.g., "I hate people who are selfish," "I can't stand people who are weak"). These judgments are often clues to your own Shadow—the parts of yourself you are suppressing.
2. The Gold in the Shadow
The Shadow is not just "bad" stuff. It also contains your "Golden Shadow"—your repressed creativity, your power, your ability to say "no." When we repress our aggression, we also lose our drive. When we repress our sadness, we lose our depth.
If you allowed yourself to be just 5% more "selfish" or "aggressive" or "lazy" this week, what would that look like? How might that actually give you more energy?
3. The Inner Critic vs. The Shadow
Your Inner Critic (Superego) is the guard at the door of the basement, beating back the Shadow. It tells you you're worthless to keep you in line. Depression is often the war between the Critic and the Shadow, leaving the Ego (you) battered in the middle.
What is the primary accusation your Inner Critic launches at you? (e.g., "You're lazy," "You're too much"). What is the Shadow truth it is trying to hide? (e.g., "I'm not lazy, I'm exhausted from pretending," "I'm not too much, I have needs").