Understanding Defense Mechanisms
Recognizing How We Protect Ourselves from Pain
Defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies we use to protect ourselves from anxiety, unacceptable thoughts, or painful feelings. While they serve a protective purpose, relying on them too heavily can keep us stuck in old patterns and prevent authentic connection.
This worksheet helps you identify common defenses so you can choose more adaptive ways of coping.
What it is: Unconsciously pushing painful thoughts, memories, or feelings out of awareness.
Example: Having no memory of a traumatic childhood event, yet feeling uneasy in similar situations.
Reflection: Is there a topic or memory I consistently "blank out" on?
What it is: Attributing your own unacceptable thoughts or feelings to someone else.
Example: Accusing your partner of being angry when you are actually the one feeling hostile.
Reflection: What traits in others irritate me the most? Could these be parts of myself I deny?
What it is: Refusing to accept reality or facts, blocking external events from awareness.
Example: Insisting you're "just a social drinker" despite mounting evidence of alcohol-related problems.
Reflection: What is a feedback I repeatedly get from others that I immediately dismiss?
What it is: Using logic and reasoning to avoid feeling difficult emotions.
Example: Calmly analyzing the statistical probability of a breakup instead of feeling the grief.
Reflection: Do I tend to "explain away" my feelings rather than feeling them?
What it is: Redirecting emotions from the original source to a safer substitute.
Example: Yelling at your children after having a bad day with your boss.
Reflection: When I snap at safe people (partner, kids, pets), what was the real trigger?
Mature defenses (like humor, sublimation, and altruism) allow us to handle reality without distorting it. The goal isn't to have no defenses, but to have flexible ones.
Choose one defense mechanism from above that resonates with you. How has it served you in the past? How might it be holding you back now?